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December 1, 2022

Welcome to the Blog

Hey, I’m Alina.

I’m a 35-year old (2023) Pakistani living in Dubai.

I’ve hopped between Luxembourg, Bahrain, the UAE, Canada, and settled back in Dubai in 2018 to escape -40 winters and be closer to family again.

These days, I’m running a Digital Marketing Agency with a remote team, spamming my husband with Instagram Reels and scribbling half-baked ideas in my journal.

***

Over the years, whenever I’ve had to work through difficult emotions, tried to make sense of life, or simply amuse myself, writing has come to the rescue.

It brings order to my disjointed thoughts and my soul says a little ‘thank you’ every time I write.

Words bring me comfort.

And I hope on occasion that some of my words bring you comfort too.

chaiwithalina

I recently came across a good explanation for why

I recently came across a good explanation for why we procrastinate. Interestingly, the same explanation also applies to why we're addicted to productivity.*

It made me realize that the person who gets overwhelmed with life's demands and tunes out to Netflix, is at the core, the same as the person that is addicted to planning their week, checking things off their to-do list, getting "through" tasks, and clearing the decks.

In fact, sometimes both of these patterns can co-exist in the same person. (Guilty)

What both these people have in common is:

⏳An anxious desire to "control" time

⏲️ An inability to come to terms with the truth: our time on this planet is finite, and there is not enough time to do all the things we want to do.

Whether this denial takes the form of avoidance or overstuffing calendars, it's still denial.

The reality is that:

🔧We will always be derailed by health problems, a house that keeps requiring fixes, family emergencies etc. Life doesn't give a s**t that we're trying to warp time to fit around our schedule

💪🏼 There isn't enough time to do it all despite what social media gurus tell you i.e. launch a 7 figure business, be there for every family event, travel the world, have a perfect body, learn a second language, start painting again etc.

There aren't enough hours in a day.
It doesn't "feel" like there aren't enough, there actually aren't.

So what's the solution?

It's not more productivity hacks.

It's not better time management.

It's not waking up at 3:30am like psychopaths.

🙏🏼 I believe it's acceptance.

We cannot be everything we want to be.
We cannot do everything we want to do.

😶 We have to choose.

Choose what's most important to focus on.
Choose wisely who we spend our time with.

Accept those choices.
And let go of the rest.

Oh, and know that everything will probably take longer than we expect. 🙃

*From the book Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman.
One of the most refreshing and grounding books I've read and re-read.

Credit @the.naeem.parvez for the book recco

This morning, I woke up with a knot of anxiety.

This morning, I woke up with a knot of anxiety.

If you were to ask me why, I'd tell you I have no clue.

Morning anxiety tends to be a surprise visitor.

Sometimes it stays for a morning.
Sometimes for days.
And sometimes for weeks.

In the past, I used to over-analyze it's visits.

What am I worried about?
Am I doing okay?
Why is this happening to me?

But now I've just come to accept it.

After all, the worst thing you can do is try to think your way out of an anxious state.

The only thing that helps me is physically changing my state, with:

- A walk or a swim
- Stretching
- A shower and change of clothes (getting pretty)
- A cup of tea or coffee while I read or write

And for some reason, today my brain also urged me to buy flowers 😅🌺

I'd like to think it was my inner wisdom but it could also just be Miley Cyrus lurking in my subconscious.

Either way, it was a good decision.

Somehow the simple, slow act of placing fresh flowers on the table created a shift in my mental state and the energy in our home.

And I feel the uninvited morning guest start to scuttle away.

Confession: I'm a marketer but I struggle with the

"No matter how hard you work, someone else is work

"No matter how hard you work, someone else is working harder."

Okay, cool ✌🏼 I'm going to go paint now byeee

---

In the past, quotes like these used to trigger some guilt, but honestly now I just roll my eyes.

As a (lifestyle) entrepreneur and online marketer, I am bombarded daily with 7-figure gurus, multi-millionaire CEOs, and other 'success porn' on my feed.

I understand that the primary intent is to motivate people...

...but there's also a lot of shaming.

😐"If you don't work X hours you're weak"

😐 "There's no such thing as a weekend that's for losers"

😐"Relaxing? Someone else is working harder than you right now."

Yes, I think there is value in this content when I need a kick in the butt to grow and improve.

But not everyone wants to build an empire or be a top athlete with a 6-pack.

I think most of us just want to feel fulfilled.

✳️We are all wired differently, and that's what makes the world beautiful and diverse.

If everyone was a 14-hour workday hustler, life would be 2D and boring.

There is no shame in choosing and loving your life:

As a 9-5 employee
As a full-time parent
As a freelancer
As an entrepreneur
As an artist
As someone who takes weekends
As someone who works 24/7

✳️ Nuance and context matters. What are the priorities and values of the people you are listening to?

It was a wake up call for me to realize I mostly followed white men in the US, and subconsciously started measuring myself against their success standards.

Who I listen to:

📣 Men
📣 Mostly single
📣 Little to no family life or ties
📣 American culture
📣 Biggest priority is building a massive empire and wealth

Who I am:

🌼 Woman
🌼 Married
🌼 Close to family
🌼 Pakistani culture
🌼 Biggest priority is my relationships

Hmm, disconnect much?

✳️ Fulfillment doesn't mean chasing happiness or pleasure.

It's putting in the work that brings fulfillment. But 'putting in the work' doesn't have to mean literal work. It can be raising children, prioritizing and being there for loved ones, going to the gym everyday, taking out time for creative pursuits etc.

Put in the work to create a life of meaning, just be clear on what that is for you.

I don't know if it's being in your thirties, livin

I don't know if it's being in your thirties, living in a big city, the influence and pressures of social media or the rising cost of living worldwide - or perhaps a combination of all these factors - but I can't seem to escape the discussion about money anywhere I go.

✅ Financial freedom
✅ Passive income
✅ Side hustles
✅ 6 and 7 figure clubs
✅ Money mindset
✅ Overnight success stories
✅ The rising cost of living
✅ Investments

...and an overall preoccupation with how to "get more" to feel more secure.

Look, I'm guilty of all of the above.

And I think a healthy discussion around money is fine.

But I've started to notice it taking up a lot more space in conversation and the media, no matter where I turn.

And I've seen it become the primary decision-making tool that guides people's lives, even though all basic needs (and beyond) are being met.

We all want that 'little bit more' year after year until we wake up one day to realize we don't have interests outside of work and Netflix anymore. 🙈

When did you last do something beautiful or creative for the sake of doing something, with no "money making" intent behind it? 🎨

No matter how small?

I think money is a great tool, it makes life comfortable and provides for the people that you love. And there is meaning in that too.

But personally, I've found that when my primary driver and intention is money or wealth, I no longer feel like myself and it shows.

However if my intention is focused on my personal values (i.e. authenticity, fulfillment, love), and knowing that I have enough, my soul feels happy and aligned. 🌸

If wealth comes as a side effect of being true to myself, I'll take it. And if it doesn't, that'll be okay too.

Meet my little balcony friend 🐦 For the past ye

Meet my little balcony friend 🐦
For the past year, this parrot has visited us each morning.

Sometimes he (or she) just sits and stares at me.

Sometimes he hangs out mid air, flapping his wings while staring at me and screeches. Note: not chirping, but high pitched screeching.

Sometimes his friend also comes along, and then there's two parrots on my balcony.

And last but not least, sometimes he wakes us up early on Saturday and Sunday mornings by knocking against our window.

We've tried giving water but he just stared at us like we were basic and flew away. 😐

I'm contemplating buying bird food but knowing this parrot we'll end up with a similar response and a bag of unused bird food.

As I type this, he's back to flapping and screeching.

I wonder what he's trying to communicate so adamantly each morning:

"What up?"
"The robots are coming here is my warning"
"Sorry I take a dump on your balcony now and again"
"Good morning it's a beautiful day I love you"

One day I'm sure there'll be an app to decode animal communication, but for now I'll assume it's a beautiful greeting and not warnings of an apocalypse ✌🏽

When I first started working from home full-time l

When I first started working from home full-time last year, I loved the fact that I could wear sweatpants, keep my hair in a bun and avoid makeup.

But then I would scramble to "put on my face" if a client call was scheduled.

Or waste time getting ready in the middle of the day if I felt like working out of a cafe, or meeting a friend for coffee.

Over time, I noticed that not getting ready in the morning actually left less room for spontaneity, flexibility and had the potential to derail my focus later in the day.

It also didn't make me feel my best. No matter how much I tried to feel like working in sweatpants was a win, the novelty fades fast and I subconsciously felt less confident and unmotivated.

And so I decided to start dressing up to work from home, exactly the way I would if I were going out.

Makeup 💄
Blow-dry 👩
Ironed clothes 😛
Perfume 🌷

The mental shift has been huge.

I feel more energized, confident, motivated and focused, simply because I made the effort to look my best. I'm also less flustered if a last minute video call or coffee happens ☕

I'm sure this is all quite obvious for some people, but for other potatoes like me that love PJ's, it can be a bit of an awakening 🥔

#potato #motivation #workfrohome #focus #productivity

If you grew up in the 90s and you're South Asian,

If you grew up in the 90s and you're South Asian, you definitely had a crystal showcase in your living room.

Crystal pandas. 🐼
Swans. 🦢
Flowers. 🌷
Candlesticks. 🕯️
Bowls. 🥣
Photo frames filled with pictures of our chubby faces. 👶🏻

Basically, we bought out the Swarovski catalogue.

As a kid, I never understood the showcase, it was just random pieces of crystal. But I'm sure when my parents look at it, each piece triggers a different memory for them of their travels, or what was happening in their lives when they bought it. 🏞️

Today when I look around our living room, I realize we're really just doing the same thing in our own 'millenial' way.

Our handpicked trinkets, flea market buys, travel and date night mementos is our version of a crystal showcase.

It's definitely not as fancy or 'mature' in taste 😜 but nearly each piece has a memory hidden within it that makes me smile.

***

Funny story:

When @the.naeem.parvez and I were getting engaged, my sister, @sanam_1303 , wanted to buy him a gift.

We were at Swarovski to buy him cufflinks, but decided it would be fun to mess with Naeem and pretend that Sanam was going to buy him a crystal swan or horse instead. 🐎

I called him from the store and told him, 'listen my sister is determined to buy you a crystal animal, just be sweet to her and tell her which one you prefer, and please pretend to love it when you get it next week.' 👻

He was so confused. 😐

A week later we're altogether and she hands him a Swarovski box. My sister is giving him a big grin, and the poor guy's face drops as he expects to find a crystal horse inside 🤣

Words can't describe the pure joy on his face when he found cufflinks inside and realized he wouldn't't have to deal with a weirdo sister in law 😜

#crystalshowcase #desis

Storytime: the year is 2018 and we've just moved b

Storytime: the year is 2018 and we've just moved back to Dubai. 🏝️

Naeem and I are living in a hotel apartment in Bur Dubai for a few months, until we get our visas, apartment and life sorted.

It's a studio apartment, and I'm standing in the middle of the room talking to Naeem. 👩🏽‍❤️‍👨🏽

I move towards the kitchen, my back to Naeem for just a few seconds, and continue talking to him.

And then I turn around to find Naeem isn't there.

Poof ☁️

Vanished.

Confused, I first check the bathroom. Not there. 🚽

I then check the balcony. Not there. 🌃

I circle the same tiny room about five times flipping pillows as though I'll find him underneath one.

Could he have stepped outside?

I step into the hallway and call out his name, but there's no one there 👻

At this point, I think I'm losing my mind...

And then I hear it.

The sound of quiet cackling, but I can't figure out where it's coming from.

I look at the ceiling.

I look under the bed.

Then my eyes fall upon the cupboard.

Lo and behold, I find a grown manchild standing squished inside the cupboard, cheeks puffed up trying not to laugh 😹

He had just casually backtracked and shut himself inside a cupboard mid-conversation.

Maybe one day when I'm 90 my husband will stop speaking to me using fake words with a serious face or half shaving his face to confuse me, but until then I must accept that my life will be filled with unexpected traps, mind games and expect to be startled at any given time 🥴

#dontbefooledbyhisinnocentface #marriage

As I've gotten older, I've learned to skip most of

As I've gotten older, I've learned to skip most of the main tourist attractions when I travel.

🏛️Museums
🖼️Art galleries
🗿War monuments
⛪Cathedrals

Things that I'm supposed to enjoy, but I never really have

I'll try to engross myself in the history
Read the placards
Say "mmmm" and tap into my more intellectually curious and cultural side

But I'd really rather walk past and say "oo that's pretty" and carry on, so that I can:

☕Sit at local cafes
🚶‍♀️Walk aimlessly down streets
🛴Bike or scoot around the city
🌯Eat all the food
🛍️Explore flea markets
🌳Take in nature
See where the wind takes us

I honestly wonder if a lot of people are really that interested in oil paintings from the 1800s of sad looking women and children, or if we feel we should be interested because we've been told it's a "must visit" attraction 👩🏻‍🍼

I used to think that maybe I was too basic or shallow because I didn't enjoy these more historical or cultural activities.

But now I realize there's no one right way to travel 🧳

It's all about how you want to explore a new culture and soak it all in.

If that means reading handbooks and visiting every museum, so be it. But if you want to scoot around the city to find the best donuts, I'll be there✌🏼

#travel #planningthenexttrip #missingeurope

If you walk into our house around 6:30am or 7am, y

If you walk into our house around 6:30am or 7am, you'll hear cracking joints and see two seemingly young people on their respective yoga mats going "oof" and "aaaah"

Apparently this is called hitting your mid thirties.

🦴I need to stretch to get out all the back cracks

🚿I need a hot shower to loosen my muscles

🩴I wear Birkenstocks as much as possible (and rave about them to anyone who will listen)

👟I have orthotics in my trainers for my knee pain

And I'm finally starting to feel some more empathy for my parents in their sixties and seventies 🤪

As I get older I realize how much more effort it takes to tune my body to get to "normal".

Just to a regular baseline of functioning body parts.

There's little wiggle room to be more carefree. If one thing from the list below gets derailed beyond a day or two I end up in pain, cranky, or a tired bloated mess 🐳

Sleep
Food
Water
Workout
Stretching
Walks

I do 💯 believe that age is just a number (mentally), but try telling that to my body in the morning when it gets out of bed and has a head rush 👻

#midthirties
#thirties

What is your life purpose? ☀️ Wow. Loaded que

What is your life purpose? ☀️

Wow.
Loaded question. 🤪

A few months back, I was at a seminar that was hosted by a former monk, priest and international speaker. 🧘🏾

The event was reserved for more senior members of a business networking group that I'm a part of, but a few spots were available on a first come first serve basis for some of us newer entrepreneurs.

I sat in the front row, eager to absorb as much knowledge as I could and ask questions. (Can you tell I was a teacher's pet) 🐕

After 3 hours, the biggest insight for me...had nothing to do with the seminar.

It had to do with the audience.

I looked around me and saw a mix of older Arab, Indian, Chinese and European men and women in their forties, fifties, and sixties all asking the same questions I had. 😮

Wait, weren't these people all older multimillionaires with so much more wisdom and knowledge?

Not only were they successful entrepreneurs, many had big happy families and their faith or religion. How could they still be trying to find purpose?

And so I wondered if this was a fruitful exercise in the first place.

Do we put too much pressure on ourselves to have a singular answer for our "purpose" and drive ourself mad?

After all, we all can't be Gandhi or Mother Theresa. 😌

Or live a life dedicated to service.

I think that having a general direction, vision, some goals and understanding our values is important, and helps us live with intention. 🗺️

But I also think that the word 'purpose' and its implied permanence has become overwhelming for most people, and we feel like we're doing something wrong because we don't know "it". 😕

Personally, I find that having a "temporary purpose" based on where I'm at in my life has helped let go of some that pressure.

What I need to focus on to motivate me and wake up each day will not be the same as what I need to focus on in 5, 10 or 20 years.

Life comes in seasons and we are always evolving, so I think having a temporary purpose' until we shift into the next season of life is just a little easier to digest. 🌈

#purpose #lifepurpose

Over the years, I've discovered that the voice ins

Over the years, I've discovered that the voice inside my head should not be listened to when I'm lying in bed late at night, and first thing in the morning. 🛌

It exaggerates.
It ruminates.
It blows anxieties out of proportion.
It's basically a psychopath 🔪🤪

I wish I could wake up to thoughts like 'what a wonderful day' and 'I'm filled with gratitude to be alive la la la', 🤸‍♀️ but I think that rewiring will take some time. Who knows, maybe I'll become that person with affirmations on post it notes on their mirror.

But for now, I know the best way to get my inner psychopath to be quiet is throwing myself off the bed, followed by stepping outside for fresh air and going for a walk. 🌳🌳

Add on chai, a hot shower, a fresh change of clothes and I'm basically a new me. 😌

All the 'problems' and anxieties that I was thinking about while laying in bed suddenly seem much smaller, solvable, and not such a big deal at all. ✌🏼

Does this happen to anyone else?

Is your brain a beacon of happiness first thing in the morning or a cranky kid that needs to be appeased somehow ? 🧠 ☀️

What works for you?

When I look back on my twenties, I'm glad I experi

When I look back on my twenties, I'm glad I experimented with different sides of life.

✅ I worked at a big company.
✅ I worked at a startup.
✅ I worked as a solopreneur.
✅ I worked as a freelancer.
✅ I worked retail.
🧃Heck I even tried a part time kitchen job at a juice bar (spoiler alert: I suck at manual labour).

I said YES to a lot of things so I could soak in new experiences, meet people and learn about my true nature and what works for me.

And now at 35, I'm glad I spent all these years saying yes so that now I can effectively say "no"

'No' to...

▶️Activities that don't serve me
▶️Unsolicited advice
▶️Other people's opinions
▶️Social events that drain me
▶️Opportunities that don't match the vision for my life

But sometimes, the no's can become a bit of a struggle again.

And to me it's a warning sign to slow down and assess why that's happening.

Usually it's one of two things:

1️⃣ I'm allowing the opinion of others (friends, family, social media, society etc.) to influence me

2️⃣ I'm not clear or I've lost my own path. It's difficult to say yes or no to opportunities if there isn't clarity about my long term goals.

***

I know it's an odd goal to have, but this year I'd like to say no even more. ✌🏼

We are shaped by our yes's in our 20s, but I believe we're shaped even more by our no's and our intentionality in our 30s and 40s.
🌿

True story: when I was around 9 years old, I decid

True story: when I was around 9 years old, I decided to get a tattoo. 🖍️

In fact, my three best friends and I had decided that we would all get tattoos at the same time.

But they had to match (otherwise are you really even friends?)

First, we had to get the tattoo ink. Stickers were for kids, we were going for the real deal.

I sourced (and by sourced I mean stole) this from my sister's stash.

Next, we had to find a discreet location.

We decided on a hidden enclave in the playground next to a big tree. 🌳

Third, we had to decide on what it would say. BFF? Best friends forever?

No. No. Too generic. Too mainstream.

Best BUDS forever?

Yes, how unique. It was perfect. 😎

Lastly, where could we draw on tattoos without any teacher noticing?

FEET. Not just anywhere on the feet, the SOLES. Genius.
👣

So off we went at break time, on a mission to make a very semi permanent statement with our friendship tattoos.

There we were - four little brown girls hiding behind raised walls with their shoes and socks off, feet in each other's face and drawing on each other's feet with full concentration.

Could we have been cooler?

Not rhetorical, we definitely could have.

But at least our friendship was bonded in ink for all of 5 minutes before we put on our socks and it all rubbed off again.

There you have it, the story of my first and last tattoo.

Stay tuned for more wild stories from my childhood.
👧🏻

#bbf

@sanchitathaker
@nehaaviral @muktapendharkar

I have an interesting tug of war with my mum when

I have an interesting tug of war with my mum when she comes over and sees that our wedding album in the living room showcases the back cover, and not the front cover.

She'll flip it to the front, I'll flip it to the back.

The front cover shows both of us standing on stage, all smiles and posed.

And the back cover is a more genuine reflection of who we are: kids that decided they wanted to play together each day.

But yes, we do have our tongues sticking out and don't look too poised and graceful 🤪

If you know us, you'll know that we're both not the most adulty adults. We can be responsible and serious when needed 'out there', but if it's not balanced with a daily dose of play, weird animal noises, accents and improv at home, I think we would lose our minds.

Much to our traditional parents dismay, I don't serve him tea and he doesn't buy me gold 🤣, but the safety we feel around each other to be fully ourselves means far more to us.

Apparently there's a new trend called Bare Minimum

Apparently there's a new trend called Bare Minimum Mondays. 💻

The idea is to encourage people to ease into the workweek, and focus on self care for the first few hours of the day on Mondays.

Why?

Because a lot of people get anxious about the week ahead, and go straight from a lazy Sunday into an intense, high pressure Monday morning. 😬

Interestingly, both Naeem and I had naturally started doing this a few months back.

(I know, we have the privilege of being self employed, but somehow I've been harder on myself since becoming an entrepreneur vs when I was employed).

For the past few years, I've tried to be at my desk by 8:30am on Mondays, and now I allow myself to get there by 9:30 or 10am. I know, an extra hour or so isn't Earth shattering and this is probably the norm for a lot of people.

But that extra breathing room has helped. It's nice to look forward to a Monday morning, as opposed to diving straight into a huge list of tasks and to-dos.

It's 8:35am and I'll be sitting here with my tea for a little while, scribbling away on some ideas or tidying up the house. Emails can wait for another few hours ✉️

#bareminimummonday

I think we all feel like everyone else has got it

I think we all feel like everyone else has got it figured out. 🥴

As though everyone else is clear on their goals, their direction and purpose, has their life sorted, but here we are floundering around and unsure 🐡

And hey, I'm sure there are some people who are very clear. But I've been surprised time and again after talking to people that I consider "way ahead of me" or "who have made it" to see that they have the same doubts, fears and emotions every now and then:

Feeling tired or overwhelmed
Stuck in a rut
Overstimulated
Wanting to give up
Confused about their path
Demotivated
Worried about 'something' - pick money, health, family or all 🤪

And yes, there are periods in life where we do have it all and everything is fantastic, but I think it's impossible to have that all the time, or to put that pressure on ourselves.

At any given time, I find that I have a few things going right, and a few others going wrong, and a few miraculous days scattered in between where it's all rainbows and sunshine 🌈🌈

Mostly, it's like this:
☁️⛅🌪️🌧️🌤️🌞

But I'm learning to embrace the rainy days and do what I can to let in a bit more sunshine each day.

P.s. this photo is from yesterday, Naeem took me to a beach club to work from there so that my brain could get a bit more 🌞🌞

Ever normalized something at home that's really no

Ever normalized something at home that's really not normal? 👻

My husband and I have somehow gotten into the habit of using a meow to signal our presence to one another 🐈

I think it became a habit when we moved into this house a year ago. The house has three storeys and we aren't always sure if the other person is back at home or not, since we're stepping in and out for walks, workouts, or meetings.

At some point saying "hey I'm back!" or "hey are you home?" just became tiresome and boring.

So now if I want to see if Naeem is home, I just say "meow" and wait for a meow back.

Other appropriate uses of "meow"

🐱 Sup just saying hi
🐱 I want attention
🐱 Come hang out?
🐱 I'm bored
🐱 I'm hungry
🐱 I want a hug
🐱 I'm excited to see you
🐱 I'm sad

We're normal.
Very normal.

I've never understood treadmills I mean, I get th

I've never understood treadmills
I mean, I get the concept
I get how they work
Great for bad weather

But there's something really depressing about walking and staying in one place 🐹

Or climbing stairs on a stairmaster
Or cycling on a spin bike and going nowhere

I've tried to use a cardio machine while:

Listening to podcasts
Watching Netflix
Listening to 'I'm a badass gym person' music
Watching the timer to torture myself
Watching the calorie count to torture myself

But I can't make myself do it.
Nothing beats fresh air.

So I go outside for daily walks.

And I avoid walking in circles if I can. Having a purpose, destination, or exploring a new area helps me forget about the time and before I know it I've hit 10k steps.

And by the end my brain feels a little happier too. 🚶‍♀️

This morning, I set off on a mission to try a new coffee shop, stumble across some new parks along the way and enjoy a latte at my final destination ☕

Did I hit my steps goal? Check ✅ 😎

Did I also happen to:

Accidentally eat a 🥐

Forget that my walk back at 10am will be sweaty and hot 🥵 and curse myself

Get two mosquito bites 🦟

Perhaps.
But it still beats treadmills ✌🏼

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